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I decorate with books
Cut it up and get rid of the rest
M is leaving soon and I am about to lose my mind
I put on her what I had from my family leaving. I put on her what I had from my ex.

I guess the main thing is, we want to be able to have shared experiences. If no one knows what I’m talking about, then I am just alone. But if I find someone who has “been there” then I am interested. Did they take something for the better or worse from it?

I flirt with J hard core. I almost hold nothing back. But not so much flirting, as I give him all my attention. He is so attractive. I want his hands all over. I want to see him get sexy.

I saw W get sexy. That was nice. He is bigger than me but not “fat” and his hands felt good. But he stopped us… Still confused by that. The last time that happened I was sixteen. I was making out and getting hot with a 21 year old in the back of his car after a concert. I think I was still unshaved. I think that is what got him. Since puberty, I hadn’t shaved. I feel like I had though because I was cheating on C. And C and I had sex often. C had actually asked me to shave…. So I guess I had to have been clean for this guy, who is P. Anywaaayy…..P and I were foolin around, he pulls down his pants (my bottoms are gone) and gets inside me. Then after a few thrusts, he just stopped…and couldn’t keep it up. So he apologizes after a bit. I say whatever….all that reassuring shit. He takes me home. Had an awkward time with M. Then he left. And I kinda stopped answering his calls. I never asked why he couldn’t get it up, but we never tried again either so he just drifted away. That was nice and awkward.

So now I can’t even look J in the face. I kinda wish we had just fucked. It would be less awkward for me to pretend I hadn’t had sex with someone, than to deal with our cuddling and shit…

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