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Romans 10

Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.

The word is near you, it is in your heart and in your mouth

-So, to say, “Who will go to heaven?” is to bring Christ down. Why? Maybe because He did go to heaven by following the law and living a righteous life. just as humans are called to do. Just as we could? Moses said that following the law was not hard. It was not like going to heaven (don’t you get to heaven by following the law??) But humans just can’t follow the law.  Humans never could.  Ever since the fall, man was born into sin.  There is no way for us to be righteous because the mere act of being born (which is of no choice by the individual) brings that human into sin as a consequence of The Fall. So God gave us a set of laws and a way of life to follow and go about knowing humans could never achieve it. Then after a few years of trying to get humans to listen (free will meaning maybe humans could obey the law? Would that make us willing machines?) God sends Jesus to tell everyone that what humans understand as The Law no longer applies and that as long as we believe that Jesus is God in the heart, and confess with the mouth the same, humans are saved and welcome into the kingdom of God.

It is with your heart that you are justified and believe

The same Lord is Lord of all

-So, bring the message. All are the same and worthy of worshiping God. Because the individual’s own heart is what brings them to God. But how can they get to God unless they are told about Him?

J and I had sex before our first date. I am going to visit him this weekend, and we will have sex then too. I am pretty sure he is two weeks from saying I love you.  We’ve already been hinting and teasing about me moving in with him. Things are moving fast.  We are both just equally excited to be with someone who seems to actually care.  I think he matches my enthusiasm, and I his. It seems that we are both ready to settle into someone. Not necessarily settle down and start having kids and all that. We are both pretty sure that if kids come into our lives it will be much later and likely adopted. We both want to travel around and see somethings first. i don’t want to wait until I am retired to travel. I don’t care if i live in a shack as long as i can have a job and a car that allow me to travel. i think he is on the same level.  We had talks about the Tiny House movement and we are both into it. I really like this guy. He seems like a lot of fun.  Plus he gets me motivated to work out and get healthy. He hikes and runs, works out about three times a week. Gosh, I’m surprised he even finds me attractive. He’s a dog person too. which is awesome because I just got a puppy. Hound/boxer mix.

I kind of just want to assimilate my life into his, I think he’s better than I am, which makes mewant to be better for him. That’s good right?  That’s growth, yes?

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I like this guy. He is pretty awesome. Problem was he was an old friend. He was a friend of my recent ex. New guy and I began to talk an express interest in each other.
So we met the other night. We had a date planned for Sat. We hung out on Fri night and ended up having sex. We know. We have known each other for about three years though. That’s our excuse.
He is wonderful. He makes me feel happy and giddy and girly. He almost tried to talk me out of sex but he is a guy after all so it happened anyway.
We are a thing. Officially. He talked to my ex and got “permission”. We are official. He is my boyfriend.
I feel so inadequate beside him though. In my mind he is so mature and set. He makes good decisions and has a level head. I feel like a third grader beside him.
He is so beautiful though. Oh my gosh
And my size so we both fit on one aide of a car. So much so that he can straddle me and I don’t feel like I am gunna die.
I’ve never been with someone ” my size” before. I like it.
He’s adventurous and makes plans. He can take me on dates and actually afford to pay for me. He seems to really like me for some strange reason.
We may not be taking it slow in the conventional way, but I know that we are on the same page regardless.

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It turns out you can be bulimic through the mouth, the vagina, and the soul.
I can’t explain what happens but I start to have these compulsions to binge. On anything. Food, drink, sex, spirituality, love, and then I feel the need to purge all of it too. I take everything in. I feel bad for living in excess so then I push everything out. I think I should be a Sith. Extremes man.
God is holy. God calls me to be holy. Yet time and again I realize I am not holy. My actions go against everything he has planned for me. The sad thing is it’s usually NOT deliberate rebellion. I just do something then after it I think, “Well fuck….” I didn’t really mean to do those things, but then again….yes I did. It’s like I forget God even exists for a while. Which is really sad. Or schizo….  Either way, all I have is to pray for cleansing and a renewed spirit and hope I remember that I want to be better. Maybe I should just buy a fucking vibrator. That might fix one issue.
This boy I am talking to right now is way to good for me. He says he has a past but I’m willing to bet some good money my past trumps his. He has a career, lives on his own, affords his life. I live on my own and barely afford my life even with my career. I do want to go back yo school though.
Maybe that’s my issue. I’m just not busy enough.

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T and I broke up like a month and a half ago. St and I have been flirting through text for the last four days. He is like the total package for me. He has a nice job and lives on his own. He is outdoorsy and has a very positive attitude. Buuut he is a mutual friend so I feel trashy. But on the other hand St is really hot and makes me act like a dork. We are going on a date when he gets in town. He lives about two hours away. Son even being a mutual friend, he isn’t “around”. And now that M and her husband are leaving the group dynamic will deff be wonky. So I don’t see a lot of repercussion. Except for making ex feel bad and paranoid. St and I never acted or played or hinted at our crush while ex and I were dating but one cannot help but to think such thoughts once something like that is in the open. Fuck. Whatever. I want to be happy dammit.