He’s like New York penthouse and I am like small town trailer park. He amazes me. I feel absolutely inadequate to him. And maybe because I have had such shitty boyfriends before. But this guy…there is something about him. He reminds me of this scene from rugrats where Angelica falls in love with this boy named Dean. He’s all cool with his leather jacket and tricycle. (Yeah I know, I’m laughing too) but once she gets his attention and they’re alone together he says something like, “You make me want to do something crazy, like jump from the top of the money bars or ride a bike without training wheels” Hahaha I know, I know…. But that’s how he makes me feel. Like as long as he was there I could do anything in the world. I could fly, literally jump from the building and fly as long as he said I could.
My biggest fear is that I will bore him. I’ve not usually been known to be a talker or someone to get out and do things. I have had trouble with anxiety and I don’t like doing things by myself. I don’t want to hold him down. He deserves to grow. But I want to grow with him.
He’s so sweet and accommodating to me when I visit. Again, I’m not a very thoughtful person. I try, bit usually my brain is selfish. I blame it on survival skills from growing up and dealing with abuse. But that shit is over now and he deserves the world. His heart is beautiful.
I just hope I measure up.


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