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A lot of weird things have been going through my head lately.  A lot of weird memories and a lot of weird dreams. I thought my dreams might mean something at one point. I would write them down and try to decipher their meanings.  Funny thing is I could never do it, but if M and I were high it was like she had the gift of dream interpretation.  I miss that.

Sometimes I miss getting high regularly.  Sometimes I don’t.  I had a dream the other night that I was trying to steal my mom’s Loratab. She doesn’t even take them in RL. In the dream, she did. I was trying to put the pill bottle inside my vagina to sneak it passed her.  It was too big though and wouldn’t fit.

Last night I had a dream that my family and I lived in a sort of boat house. It was more of a shack.  Our father was a fisherman.  We had “super powers”. Or at least my sister and I did. Father was on his way home to the floating shack. There was a very bad storm on the way so we were prepping the place.  We tied things down, and zipped up the mesh covering surrounding our house.  Then we placed a very strong canvas tarp over the mesh and zipped/tied that to the shack as well. I was starting to get claustrophobic.  I didn’t like the idea of us being trapped inside while the storm raged.  if we sank we would be stuck and drown. (a bit of RL fear there)  My sister wouldn’t join us. She was in the city.  I left as the storm was starting up to convince her to return with us.  It took some time but she agreed and we arrived before the storm.  The storm hit and I could feel the rocking of the shack as it tossed us around.  The rocking woke me up.

None of these people resembled my real family at all.  my brain made up a whole new family for me.

I’ve been having so many stress dreams lately.  I don’t think my anti-anxiety medicine is working.  I just wake up feeling tired and a little depressed.  The dreams are hard to shake. Maybe I need a psychiatrist?

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I’m the girl that asks for it.  You know how the guys say, “Well she was asking for it.” That’s me. I want people to like me, so I’m nice and make eye contact. I show interest (sometimes I fake it) and I try to keep the conversations going.  I started a new job as a massage therapist.  My first day this male client starts talking to me. He’s older and Indian. I used to work with a lot of Indians at my previous job.  So we begin talking and he asks questions about what I like, how old I am, if i give massages outside of the spa.  Me being too honest, I say yes, to friends and family and church friends.  He asks if I might give him some private massages and I get flustered.  I say I might be able to do that.  I stupidly give him my number. When I get home I freak out.  That is completely unprofessional. It’s stealing clients, and kinda creepy.  What if he wanted something other than a massage. Now I’ve put myself in an awful position.  So when he calls I ignore him.  About two months go by when he comes back in.  During the massage he asks if I gave him the right number I say I  did, I just didn’t get his calls. While massaging his arms he kind of grabs on to mine and almost doesn’t let go.  I was a little worried I might have to use my pepper spray.  But he did let go and i finished his session.  While saying the goodbye pleasantries he goes in for a hug and also kisses me on the cheek.  I just get flustered again and go into the room to remake the table.  Now I feel like I can’t report the incident because he has the card with my number on it and can say that I kind of started it.  Which I did. Because I am an idiot.  But that is not proper behavior. I just pray he doesn’t request me again and goes on with his life. I asked for it.  i put myself in that stupid situation. Cool.