So I finally talked to bf about the weird PTSD I’ve been having. I think that’s what it is anyway. I mean, we go from using condoms, to not, and then I get all weird and remember all these past times where sex was kinda forced or just uncomfortable. Basically where I flt I had zero control. So I told him about it, I prefaced with reassuring him that it was nothing he was doing or that he had done, it wasn’t the way he was treating me and I did not think he was lying to me when he said he loved me. It was me remembering some bad experiences at inopportune times. He was very receptive of it, and told me that he would support whatever needed to happen whether it was talks before and/or after sex, more communication during, or even taking a break. I pretty much fell in love with him all over again for that. He didn’t take offense or think there was something wrong with me and he didn’t just tell me to get over it. I really can’t believe how understanding this guy is or how logical and even-minded. I flippin love him. So I don’t know what I need exactly but the fact that he is patient and willing to figure it out with me is amazing and a God send. I win.