So here’s what my brain is doing today.
I want to be able to just let this drop. I want to be ok with it. I trust him very much. I know he has no intention to let anything happen and I know he loves me. He is very respectful. He says he wants to marry me and that he wants me to move in with him. This kid is the most intentional person I have ever met. So maybe it’s just my own inferiority complex coming I to play. They were together maybe three(?) years ago. He said they had zero chemistry and decides they were better as friends. So that’s what they did. They stayed friends. So maybe my biggest question is, did he say he loved her? Does he still love her?
It just sucks when one person is serious about a relationship and the other is not. My last ex R said he was serious and was falling for me…but then after three months he ignored me for a week then called to say he was getting back with his ex fiance. So there’s that burn still in the back of my mind. Because I can tell myself all day that J is not like that. That he’s better and he loves me but honestly I don’t control him and I can’t read his mind. So who really fucking knows.
Then I have to think about me and how I still hang around RC even though we’ve had relations. I wouldn’t want J to worry about that, because I know there’s nothing between us. I still hang with him and his family because I’ve known them for 10 plus years.
So tonight I guess I’ll condense this and tell him. I love him dearly and I believe in his morals, I’m just stressing because, well, because honestly I just fucking love him and I am jealous.




Reminds me of the cinnamon challenge all those idiots out there tried.  Why?!

Really though, I love cinnamon.  It smells good and it adds a great flavor to a lot of meals.  I like real cinnamon, not that crappy fake smelling stuff.

It reminds me of fall. Fall is a favorite time for me because of all the good smells and good feelings that come with it.  I suppose it is a good thing we have all those gushy family type holidays in the colder months.  We have to spend more time inside with each other so we might as ell have some holidays to look forward to. Cinnamon brings thoughts of hot chocolate and warm cider to sip on while sitting by a fire or cuddled on the couch reading.  If you say cinnamon (after a quick chuckle) I think about love and family.  I think about pies and warmth.  Right now it even makes me cry a little because I’m reminded my family is so far away now.  Even some of my friend/family.

Cinnamon is warmth, love, cuddles, happiness, and comfort.



Certain aromas always bring up memories.  Old Spice reminds me of summers with my dad.  My sister and I jamming to Tragic Kingdom and Boys2Men. Sometimes the mixture of fried food and White grape blunts remind me of my grandparents’ house in Texas.  Even though they didn’t smoke weed, for some reason that mixture is still what their house smelled like.

Smells can also make me happy or sad.  A scent that reminds me of an old boyfriend can either send me into a panic attack or make me a tad nostalgic.  The scent of Dunkin Donuts reminds me of my first job ever and working with the Asian Indians that owned it.  They were awesome and I loved it.  However the smell of a gas station reminds me of working at a truck stop and struggling to pay my bills, get enough sleep, and finish school.

My favorite smell right now is my dog.  Not all over him, just this one spot on his muzzle between his nose pad and the bridge.  It almost smells like puppy breath, but also a little cold at the same time.  It smells fresh and brand new.  It makes my heart melt and puts me in a happy place.  When I get stressed and he is around I grab hiz muzzle and plant my nose there and just love him for a little bit.  In that moment, He is perfect and can do no wrong.