So here’s what my brain is doing today.
I want to be able to just let this drop. I want to be ok with it. I trust him very much. I know he has no intention to let anything happen and I know he loves me. He is very respectful. He says he wants to marry me and that he wants me to move in with him. This kid is the most intentional person I have ever met. So maybe it’s just my own inferiority complex coming I to play. They were together maybe three(?) years ago. He said they had zero chemistry and decides they were better as friends. So that’s what they did. They stayed friends. So maybe my biggest question is, did he say he loved her? Does he still love her?
It just sucks when one person is serious about a relationship and the other is not. My last ex R said he was serious and was falling for me…but then after three months he ignored me for a week then called to say he was getting back with his ex fiance. So there’s that burn still in the back of my mind. Because I can tell myself all day that J is not like that. That he’s better and he loves me but honestly I don’t control him and I can’t read his mind. So who really fucking knows.
Then I have to think about me and how I still hang around RC even though we’ve had relations. I wouldn’t want J to worry about that, because I know there’s nothing between us. I still hang with him and his family because I’ve known them for 10 plus years.
So tonight I guess I’ll condense this and tell him. I love him dearly and I believe in his morals, I’m just stressing because, well, because honestly I just fucking love him and I am jealous.


2 thoughts on “52015

  1. People can talk about what they want when they want to. There aren’t rules when it comes to something so intangible, diverse and undefinable as a relationship.
    Open communication, with total honesty, is never the wrong thing to do.

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