So during a massage session yesterday I started thinking about a time…

One time M and I were smoking some weed.  We were in my apartment.  We were just hanging out not doing a lot of anything when one of us decided to get out some paint and cardboard to paint on.  So I got our supplies (hostess) ready and laid down two white towels.  Then we sat on the floor and I stared at my blank canvas.  I could sense that M was at about the same spot I was.  Just kind of in a free fall.  I started making some markings and it seemed that she was doing the same though a little apprehensively.  It was as if she was trying not to make a mess on the towels, because they were white.  So after a few markings I took my paintbrush and wiped it off completely on the towel leaving giant purple marks all over it.  Dunked it in the water and dried it off again on the towel.  It seemed like this broke the spell.  Now that she had seen how I treated it, she knew what to do.  She didn’t have to be as careful because clearly I didn’t give a shit.  It was funny.  It was needed, too.  I’m pretty sure it was one of the first few times we had actually smoked together.  So we both might have jut been feeling the situation out  little.  It didn’t take long after that for us to get in a good rhythm and completely relax.

I miss those days sometimes. I miss having that time to spend with her all to myself.  I’m glad we were able to have it.  I’ve only bonded strongly with two women in my life.  M and W.  I’m wondering if it will happen again.  I wouldn’t be opposed.  It would be nice to have a close girlfriend in the new city.




I told my mother that Bf and I will be living together by the end of the year.  She is super excited and is happy to see the relationship move forward, for me.  This is making it real and scary.  Sometimes I feel anxious thinking about what my more conservative friends will think about it, but then I think, “This is my life.  If they had seen their parents go through what my parents went through they might have different views also.  I can live with my boyfriend before marriage if it’s what I choose.  That’s between me and God.”  So yeah.  I go back and forth between “Oh no” and “fuck it”.  I suppose if it doesn’t work out between us I’ll move to Tx with my family, because at that point why the fuck not.  Or I’ll move to Ne with my best friend and be an obnoxious semi-permanent fixture in their house.  I wish my massage license would just transfer smoothly to other states.  I feel like if you have the work hours plus the school hours then it shouldn’t be a problem.  Take the state test on ethics and general massage knowledge and ta-da you are ready for work.

Going back to moving; I only want to get married once.  I’ve been engaged one and a half times (I’ll tell that story later).  I have a tendency to jump in.  I want to love.  I enjoy being a partner.  It’s what i was designed to be.  I’m not a “LEADER” but I am a fantastic vice president.  This man, with whom I am wanting to share my life is everything I’ve looked for in a guy.  He just is.  I feel like this is the first relationship I have been in where i have actively tried to better than “who I was before.” Because of him I challenge myself to be more outgoing, and to try newer things.  I went camping and kayaking with him and a group of people I have never ever met.  I would never have done that before. I don’t just rely on him though.  He’s helping me to rely on myself.  I guess I try to show off for him like, “Look how strong I am.”  At the same time however, I am not afraid to be vulnerable or to express anxiety.  He doesn’t judge, he cares.

We aren’t getting married though. Not yet anyway.  We both want to be sure of everything before we jump completely in.  Right now we’re probably mid belly.


What does it matter who refuses to serve whom because of whatever? If there is a gay couple trying to marry and a judge says no out of religious views find a judge that will. Now you know who to avoid. If there is a bakery that won’t make a cake for you because of religious views, tell your friends then find a different bakery. Those people are most likely hypocrites in their own right anyway. Let them be “righteous.”
  It seems to be that people are getting so caught up in their own personal “civil rights” that common sense just flies out the window. So what if the individuals who consider themselves attracted to the same sex can get married now. “It’s an abomination” yeah well, you’re an adulterer if you’ve had more than one marriage. If you read your horoscope, you are participating in witchcraft. “The Bible clearly states in Leviticus…” Yeah well thank Jesus for coming to earth and nullifying the old testament laws so that though every man is a sinner as long as we believe we may enter heaven. So if you want to go back to works based religion and not grace based be my guest but I’m gonna chill with Jesus who (guess what!!!) said nothing about homosexuality while here on Earth but said plenty about the way a person should feel towards and treat his fellow man. So if Jesus said nothing about it I can’t seem to think why out of all the OLD testament LAWS an individual could go back to we pick the one about “homosexuality .” Why not the ones about murder…or…stealing…lying maybe?? How about the goofy ones telling us how to dress and what not to eat (pork btw…bacon would be on that list).
  So maybe people should calm down a little. Rant over.


  As I was massaging today I had a fantasy:
So I’m massaging this lady and she loves it. Raves that I made her feel so relaxed and rested. She comes back a couple more times. Then, while in session she asks me if I would come to her house and massage her nephew. Being who I am I reply with, “Why doesn’t he just come here?” She says something about him wanting his privacy and then offers $300 for a session. So I get suspicious and say up front, “Ma’am I appreciate the offer but that is inappropriate, or it at least sounds like you’re asking for inappropriate things and I don’t do that.” So then she explains, “No no no nothing like that. My nephew is just a little famous and would rather you come to him. We’ll have a car pick you up and everything if you want.” So now I am curious and say yes.
The day comes and the car picks me up. I’m taken about forty minutes from the city to a giant house out in a field. I’m led to the door. The woman greets me and takes me to the massage room. It has all the fixings. Anything I could massage with and tons of essential oils to choose from. The nephew is already lying face down. So I make my presence known and begin the massage.
*Boring massage stuff* It’s time to turn him over and who do I see!?! None other than Mister Adam Lavine!!! *swoon*

Lol but yeah that’s a fantasy. I would be happy with any celebrity really. I mean any. As long as no “happy endings” were expected. Every once in a while though when I feel tired during a massage I say to myself “Work like you’re auditioning to be Adam’s LMT!!”
Ah well. Dreams