72015

I told my mother that Bf and I will be living together by the end of the year.  She is super excited and is happy to see the relationship move forward, for me.  This is making it real and scary.  Sometimes I feel anxious thinking about what my more conservative friends will think about it, but then I think, “This is my life.  If they had seen their parents go through what my parents went through they might have different views also.  I can live with my boyfriend before marriage if it’s what I choose.  That’s between me and God.”  So yeah.  I go back and forth between “Oh no” and “fuck it”.  I suppose if it doesn’t work out between us I’ll move to Tx with my family, because at that point why the fuck not.  Or I’ll move to Ne with my best friend and be an obnoxious semi-permanent fixture in their house.  I wish my massage license would just transfer smoothly to other states.  I feel like if you have the work hours plus the school hours then it shouldn’t be a problem.  Take the state test on ethics and general massage knowledge and ta-da you are ready for work.

Going back to moving; I only want to get married once.  I’ve been engaged one and a half times (I’ll tell that story later).  I have a tendency to jump in.  I want to love.  I enjoy being a partner.  It’s what i was designed to be.  I’m not a “LEADER” but I am a fantastic vice president.  This man, with whom I am wanting to share my life is everything I’ve looked for in a guy.  He just is.  I feel like this is the first relationship I have been in where i have actively tried to better than “who I was before.” Because of him I challenge myself to be more outgoing, and to try newer things.  I went camping and kayaking with him and a group of people I have never ever met.  I would never have done that before. I don’t just rely on him though.  He’s helping me to rely on myself.  I guess I try to show off for him like, “Look how strong I am.”  At the same time however, I am not afraid to be vulnerable or to express anxiety.  He doesn’t judge, he cares.

We aren’t getting married though. Not yet anyway.  We both want to be sure of everything before we jump completely in.  Right now we’re probably mid belly.

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One thought on “72015

  1. I can say with honesty that the only reason d and I never formally lived together before we got married was because of what our parents reaction would have been. If it were entirely up to us, we would have done it in a heartbeat. It’s natural. And though I’d be surprised if it doesn’t work out, you may absolutely make a home with me, any day, any year, whenever.

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