I had a dream, where I was working at the gas station again. Only my co workers were the people I work with at the day spa. I was taking out the trash when I see a dead cat. I get sad, but I continue cleaning the area. Then I see another cat. Then I see in another trash can two more cats stacked on each other. I start to cry a little here. I am very sad because it looks like all of these cats were thrown into bags to suffocate then thrown into the trash. Then on top of the two cats I see a very very tiny kitten. The size of my pinky. I see it breathing so I try to give it water. In the back of my mind I know that it won’t make it because it isn’t developed enough but I still want it to live. I pick it up to bring it to water. As it lifts its legs are dangling and to my horror I see it has no feet. So in my head that’s it for the kitten. That was the last straw and it won’t live. So I start to bawl and sob. My co-worker Mal comes out and I hug him while I cry. He is very confused and just pats my back. He tells me to go home. I get my things together. I grab my jacket and backpack, which in the dream is a clear backpack like the kind I used to wear in elementary school, and I go to the manager with everything in my hands and ask if I can go home. She looks at me, sees I have been crying, and she says, “You only get married once.” miss and allows me to go home.



Fiance and I took the dog to the dog park.  It was a pretty cold day and sometime at the beginning of January.  About twenty minutes in as I’m watching the dog flop around and play I see Fiance standing with his face towards the sun.  I think he’s just trying to sneeze so I continue watching the dog.  Then I feel his hand brush mine.  He’s still facing the sun, but his hand is wiggling in search of mine so I give it to him and he says, “Babe, come photosynthesize with me.”  So we both turn and face the sun.

What You See

What YOU see. What I see. Seeing is believing. (Tarzan) Oh I see. Do you see what I see? What did you just see?

One time as I was working the cash register at a truck stop I saw a man drop a piece of poop from his hands on to the ground while on his way to the bathroom.

I have seen lots of boobs while working as a massage therapist. I have also seen a few ball sacks.

I have seen a LOT of porn.

I’ve seen a baby’s birth.  That was pretty cool.

I have seen both my mother and father cry.

I have seen my best friend broken.

I have seen my best friend marry the man of her dreams.

I have seen what drug addiction looks like

I have seen my Grandmother die

I’ve seen myself as best as I could do the best that I can while making the best of the situations at hand because I’ve only seen so much but what is yet to be seen

will be even better


J and I cook in different ways.  I rarely use a timer and generally taste to make sure something is cooked.  The biggest difference is pasta. J will ask, “How much time does this have?” and I just shrug my shoulders and tell him to pull a piece out and test it.  He just shakes his head.  Other than that we make food together very well.  If he does something differently than I would I ask him why and he explains.  He does the same with me, and this way we learn new techniques and sometimes a few short cuts.  I love cooking things with J.  He makes the process so much more enjoyable (and I like to cook).  Even if he isn’t actually helping me it’s still nice to have him around to talk to.

Now that we are engaged our countdown will be our wedding.  We’ve decided on May of 2017.  It’s a while away but we have time to save money and get things planned out.  I even bought a wedding planning book.  I have never been much for super girly things and I doubt I will become a “Bridezilla” but I have decided to take this thing and actually get into it at east for J’s sake.  He really wants a ceremony.  So I will take this seriously and actually make plans.  He’s been so busy and stressed about the HOA I hope the wedding planning will be a happier distraction.  (Voting for new officers is in Jan and he has decided to step down as president)  So the timer is set!  May 2017 here we come!!


One night, as I was coming down from a decent high, I was walking my dog outside the apartment complex.  It was a warm night but the wind had started to pick up and I could see the storm clouds rolling in from the east.  It was at the time whee half of the sky looks black and you can see the brighter stars, but the other half still had the yellow glow tinged with the orange of the street lamps reflecting off the prettier clouds. So being a touch high I kind of just stopped moving and stared at the darker clouds rolling in thinking, “What if the flood they talk about in the bible was actually a flood of blood.”  Imagine these dark red almost black clouds rolled over your house.  These clouds looking like nothing you’ve ever seen before.  These clouds aren’t fluffy actually.  They seem a little solid, a little viscous.  Then all of a sudden the world is silent and you see the first few drops hit the ground.  You look down at the drops at your feet and notice they haven’t exactly soaked into the ground.  It looks like mud, but you kneel down and inspect them.  You see it’s not mud, and it isn’t seeping into the ground.  It looks vaguely familiar you’ve seen it often enough and with a sudden realization of horror you see that it’s blood. Blood is falling from the sky.  The blood rain becomes heavier and with a sickness in your stomach you run for the nearest shelter.  Hours go by but it’s only gotten heavier.  The heavy metallic smell is everywhere and it’s begun to leak into the houses.  The water reservoirs have been ruined and only a small amount is left per household.   Days go by and people are desperate.  Some have tried to get by with drinking the blood water, but have become sick almost immediately.  Weeks go by and starvation is setting in, the livestock is dead from thirst and the blood rain seems to ruin everything.  The people that are still alive have moved to higher ground as the red rivers have risen engulfing the lower houses and land in a gelatinous and crimson goop. There is a red tint to their skin.  Starvation, insanity, and death ravage the land as the blood continues to fall and smother everything.


I think about birds.  Flying from cold to warm.  Butterflies traveling oceans to sleep.  I think about people escaping horror to find peace.  Because it doesn’t matter if you put an i in front of this word.  This is still one world.  A person migrates and immigrates simultaneously.  We just use one word for animals and the other for people. Because people put up imaginary lines separating one piece of land from the other.  We give them colors on a map. But America isn’t blue, and Africa isn’t green.  But the blood inside you is the same color as is in me.


A Crystal Cup

I believe it was Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark, that once (SPOILERS) Indiana arrived at the room where the ark was held he saw many shiny cups.  Gold, silver, possibly crystal as well, but instead of picking one of these for the ark Indie finds the least assuming and simplest cup of clay and lifts this up as the true ark.  This clay cup makes sense when compared to the ideals of Jesus.  The humility and humble nature of the God made man.  I still wonder what Jesus’ DNA would have looked like under a microscope. If the son of God didn’t need a crystal cup why do I?


Packing up his gear

First he lays out his duffel.  He goes to the closet and picks out at least one nice shirt which he lays carefully beside the duffel on the bed. He makes his way to the trunk and picks out his t-shirts, four, which he puts in a pile beside the nice shirt beside the duffel on the bed.  He lays these items on the bed so he can see his week in advanced.  Two pairs of jeans go beside the shirts. Then the socks and boxers are picked out.  He puts his hands on his hips and stares at the nice shirt his brow doesn’t wrinkle but you can read his thoughts in his face.  Is it too nice? Can I wear sneakers with it?  No and yes.  So he goes into the bathroom and gets his razor, his shaving cream, the toothbrush, toothpaste, comb and aftershave. All of these items fit in a rectangular mesh travel bag. The travel bag is put into the middle part but the front of the duffel. Then the clothing goes in. First the jeans, then the boxers, then the shirts. The socks are put along the side.  He stands over the bag mentally checking off all the items.  Finally he puts his book and pencil in the front pocket. He turns to me and confused he asks why I haven’t gotten a thing packed.  All I can do is laugh a little and kiss his lips. He has no clue how sexy he is.


In the shade

Because you’re laying in the grass under the tree like the girl you read about in the book.  You feel the warmth of the sun around you and hear the wind in the trees. It’s peaceful but you’re bored.  The grass is poking through your shirt and making your arms itchy.  It smells nice outside but the dust from the wind makes you sneeze.  You roll over and your hip bone hits a rock.  Maybe you’ll read the book you brought.  That’s why this itches, the girl in the book had a blanket. Dangit. Alright well now your elbows have creases from the grass and rocks.  Your shoulders hurt from holding yourself up so you roll back over.  Deep breaths, close your eyes, it’s so nice to be outside and alone with the world. You reach for your phone but turn it over you came out here to be tranquil dammit. So now you feel bored and you look around at the trees.  Cool, they’re tall and pretty just like they’ve always been.  The grass is green and the bugs…well the bugs exist. Can’t blame them you are in their territory after all.  Some more deep breaths. You sit up and breathe deeper.  In and out you count your breaths.  You count to one hundred and realize you’ve been counting for a while, but you let that go and you count some more.  Deep breaths, 135, deep breaths, 178, deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths.


Oh my Jeeze.

I moved in.  I don’t have all of my items here, but they will be next weekend.  But I am here with the intention of staying. Looking for a job.  Ugh, I hate the interview process.  I hate making myself sound important or just fluffed up.  Last night I took the dog out, then came right back in because I wanted Bf to look at the clouds.  I called to him and he came out looking all worried and expecting trouble. Then he saw the clouds and I went on with the dog and he finished up dinner.  When I got back inside he apologized.  He said he didn’t mean to make that face and I just startled him.  He went on to explain that he hasn’t lived with anyone since his brothers so if he is out of control or not sharing well or over reacting to just let him know.  Bf has a tendency to over explain himself.  I suppose I would rather deal with that than someone who doesn’t take the time to explain at all. So I simply accepted his apology and encouraged him to just keep the communication lines open and flowing.

Even though he is the second Bf I will be living with it feel more like the first due to the maturity level.  I was just 18 the first time and since he had lived with my family for about a year the transition was easy and it was more like a sibling relationship.  Because so much has changed since then and because I love this man so much everything feels like taking the first step.

Bonus points; since I have consistent internets now I can possibly start back on my prompt writings and hone my creative writing skills back up.